All I wanted was you
by Wintry Leen
Summary: I was afraid to see you smile for someone else.-Sasuke. Oneshot. SasuSaku. Semi-AU. #15. [for SSmonth day 3]


**Prompt:** Phobia

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto in any way possible.

**Author's Note:** First thing you should know, my dear reader/s, is that I associated Phobia with just the phrase "I'm afraid of…" so this piece is not exactly about a specific phobia. Apologies for that. But whatever, please take some time reading this and reviewing? Also, please keep an eye out for my submissions for day 10 (impulsive), day 11 (a night with no stars), and day 17 (monster). I would have wanted to complete the challenge, but I messed up, and I am back to being a university student – 'nuff said. [Can also be found on my tumblr.]

**Edit (July 6):** Had to re-publish

* * *

_**All I wanted was you  
**_

It had been five years since he last saw her, and had another year passed without her, he would have stopped counting the years. _Because counting would only make the waiting more unbearable._

Not that he actually expected her to come back. Not after he had let her go so willingly without her knowing why he had done so.

But looking at her sitting so serenely on the bench where they used to create memories (Sakura used to say this) made him wonder if there were things in the world that could stay constant for him. _Like her viridian eyes that used to look at him and her pink glossy hair that he secretly ran his fingers through every time he found her sleeping on his sofa._

When she looked at him, he started hoping.

"We meet again, Sasuke."

They met again, and it was in the most unusual manner that they did because it was an inky starless night and they just happened to be drawn in by the same light coming from the lamppost erected near _their _bench.

They regarded each other with familiar yet detached looks because it was a wintery night, and the snowflakes falling only seemed to signify the wisps of the thread that used to connect them. _Smiling would not complement the setting and they both knew it._

They sat with a _carefully _measured distance between them – she was seated at one end and he at the other end. They could not help but maximize the distance between them because proximity had created too many grey areas for them. It was too late when they realized that it would have been better if they had stayed in simple black and white, in the absence and presence – because were they ever _together?_

"It's been a while."

He nodded slightly and turned back to observing the slowly falling snow petals all the while wishing he would see and catch Sakura petals instead.

"Did you…miss me?" she tried to affix a clipped laugh just to make it look like she was not serious but failed anyway because she really wanted to know.

When he did not reply, she got her answer, and she was so over hoping he would reply anything positive anyway.

"Why did you come back?"

_And are you going to stay? _He wanted to add but thought about how promising that would sound; he never made promises except for that time when he promised himself that her leaving would not in any way affect him, that he would not miss her nor think about her – and he just broke it.

"I want to say goodbye."

He looked at her again and wished he did not start hoping.

"I never got the chance to say goodbye to you, you know. I was too weak that time. I couldn't face you."

She stopped and closed her eyes briefly as if reminiscing all those memories and breaking herself all over again.

"I was always crying, Sasuke, because I thought there was something more. There were those rare precious moments that you would show your concern for me and protect me and just be there for me. I thought you felt what I did. I was too afraid to ask and see the truth for myself. But…"

She heaved a deep sigh and opened her eyes.

"You were always the reason for my tears. And you did not catch them."

She smiled at him, and even though her eyelids were tear-stained, there was no trickling down and there was no pain, only that dulled sense of familiarity and attachment to the feeling.

He wanted to say something – maybe say sorry or something similar to that – but if she came there to say goodbye, who was he to stop her? And who was he to ask her to stay when he could not catch her tears and would never be able to do so?

"I was always afraid to see you smile."

He started and looked up yet again, letting his breath mingle with the passing breeze. _It was so cold_.

"I was afraid to see you smile for anyone else. I could not protect your smile. I didn't know what _else_ to do."

He turned to look back at her who was just staring at him and was finally letting the drips flow.

"But your tears…"

He made a move to touch her.

"I knew they were meant for me."

He wiped away those stubborn tears rolling down her porcelain cheeks as she falteringly closed her eyes, relishing this one rare precious moment.

"Sakura, I cannot keep hurting you." _I want to keep you but I'm done hurting you._

She nodded, and he felt a tiny spark of warmth when her skin made friction against his palm. When she opened her eyes and looked at him intently yet warmly with those viridian eyes of hers, he confirmed that constant was her feelings or not, Sakura would always be Sakura. _This alone would satisfy him._

She moved away and wiped away the remnants of her tears because it was enough to know that he had cared for her. _She would take things from there._

"I could have been strong enough to smile for you, Sasuke…for us, if you had let me."

She paused as if contemplating whether it would be fit to continue on what she had decided to say. Then as if coming to a resolution, she smiled not for him but for herself.

"But I'm now strong enough to smile for myself, for all the pain I've been through, for a new chapter, for this goodbye."

She stood up and faced him one last time, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Thank you, Sasuke."

She smiled the most genuine smile she could give him – the smile untainted by pain, hesitation, shortcomings – because what he deserved was the smile evoked by happiness and freedom and hope.

Up until their last moment, Sasuke was stomping down the urge to tell her things he had never done before. _I'm sorry. Please stay. I'm stronger this time._

Yet as he watched her walk away, he had contented himself with the thought that he had grown strong enough to protect what he had always wanted and needed to: her smile.

**…**

**_Fin._**

(not sure if I want a sequel or not. maybe you can help me decide?)


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